Don’t Blink

The day I lost the job I should’ve quit, I was wearing a sweater that said “change is scary, but so is staying the same.” And ooof, is that true.

To an outsider, my life may look like I chase change like a hungry hunter with a spear; I switched careers as soon as I got my degree and could say “my second ex husband” by the time I was 27. But the truth is that I usually hide tucked away in a corner, hoping change won’t find me. That is, until life spots me and drags me by the ankles into the ordered chaos.

This is the final installment for my self-portrait series. To symbolize how much potential for change a single second has, I kept the camera’s shutter open for a full second. The two strobe lights in the back froze my body in the picture. Then, I could essentially paint with my body’s movement during the second-long exposure.

This was a meaningful way to wrap up my year-long series. As the end drew closer, I found my relief at the prospect of being done start morphing into sadness. This series has meant so much to me. It is the first time I dedicated time to creating something just for myself, just for the fun of it. I’m not exaggerating when I say it brought me back to life.

But the thing about life is, death is a part of it. All things must come to a close.

But the thing about death is, life is a part of it. New things will always begin.

So I’m giving myself permission to change. No more hiding tucked away in corners around here. I’m still afraid; I don’t know what comes next, and there’s a part of me that’s scared I’ll lose progress because of that. So this particular ending is an act of faith.

I suppose change always is.

Exhale.
End one thing so a new thing can begin.
Inhale.

With so much love,
Julia